Saturday, February 18, 2012

Baby Steps

I don't make friends easily.

Now, those of you who've met me might be surprised by this. After all, I'm fairly outgoing, I'm comfortable around strangers, and I have a pretty good grasp of social cueing. So what's the deal?

I've often wondered that myself. I moved with my husband to my current part of the country not quite seven years ago now, and I'm only just now finding someone that I'm starting to think of as a buddy.

Part of it may be that I haven't felt like I fit in anywhere. I mean, yes, as a female English teacher, there's lots of us. But I'm not much like my colleagues at the school where I work. They coordinate their jewelry and wear sweater sets; I'm much more comfortable in jeans and a T-shirt over a turtleneck. They talk about Literature and Bible school for their kids, and I'm more current with YA lit and current issues in social justice.

They won't let me ditch Julius Caesar and teach Othello instead.

And then there's my husband and his nerd buddies. And... they're all guys. Which is fine, but... it feels a little weird calling one of them up and saying, "Hey, want to go watch Beauty and the Beast in 3D?" And - I dunno, maybe they WOULD understand - but since they're not teachers, I don't really bring up my curiosity about, say, how best to design feedback so that it's both authentic/personal and fast. At least not in casual conversation.

I rarely feel disconnected, because I've got lots of casual connections... my colleagues, our gaming group, people at my exercise and dance classes. And I'm close with my family (and we're a teacher-heavy bunch, too!) and then of course, there's the Hunk, who has proven time and again that soul mates really do exist.

But then this year for the first time something clicked with an addition to our department, and I'm finding myself in very unfamiliar territory. I mean, what do friends DO? Especially when we've both got extracurricular responsibilities at school and then family and you have to sleep SOME time...

So we'll see how it goes. I haven't had a BFF since, like, grade school. I'm kind of nervous, but it's an excited-slash-hopeful kind of nervous.

Image thanks to


Knighton said...

I know what you mean. My BFF got remarried a year and a half ago. Though I like her new husband, her new responsibilities...two additional kids, etc...and a move that puts her further away have made maintaining the friendship difficult. I haven't found anyone ever that fits that role, except my soul mate, my husband. But sometimes you need a girlfriend too

HappyChyck said...

Cool on finding a new friend. I can TOTALLY relate! I have a lot of acquaintances, and sometimes I find a new friend, and we might sneak away to shop or do brunch, but truly, there is just not the time I had before I was married and saddled with a busy career. What I long for are family friends--The women get along, The guys bond over the BBQ, and the children run around being children. I could get the best of a lot of worlds with those kinds of friends.

Joan said...

I'm glad for you. I've no advice though, I could copy/paste the first past of your post and put it on my blog as the solid truth.


Clix said...

Hahaha... it's kind of weird seeing the "I can relate!" because I feel so WEIRD for not having close friends. I mean it seems like everyone else does, you know?! For some time I've wondered if I'm just much pickier than everyone else. ;D

Bob said...

"I feel so WEIRD for not having close friends. I mean it seems like everyone else does, you know?!"

Not me. But if you can develop one, maybe there's hope for me yet. :D

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