Three Rules of Writing

Every day, when I read my students' journals, I am encouraged and amused by the ideas that they share with me in their writing. They are creative, thoughtful - well, sometimes - and often even passionate writers. They share about their weekends, about boyfriends and girlfriends, family life, friends, football games, jobs, birthdays, chores, and many other topics in addition to the assigned ones (they're allowed to freewrite for the second half of the page if they want to, and each Friday I assign a freewrite rather than a topic).

Then I assign an essay. *sigh*

It's like they think that for any 'real' writing, all of a sudden I'm not interested in hearing their ideas anymore. What I'm looking for is the 'right answer' or a re-phrasing of whatever my own opinion is. In vain do I entreat them to share their own thoughts, supported with examples and facts from their reading or their own lives.

So I came up with my Three Rules of Writing:

1. Don't confuse me. If I can't understand what you're saying, how in the world are you ever going to convince me that your ideas have merit?
2. Don't bore me. If you don't care about what you're writing, why should I? Include specific details and description to make what you're writing about seem real to me!
3. Don't lie to me. Not everything you write has to be factual, but it does need to be truthful. Don't write what you don't believe.

My sophomores are working on a research paper. We'll see if that little lecture sinks in at all...

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Not What I Had Planned

So I've teamed up with my Shiny-New Friend as writing buddies. She's working on a novel, and I've got some ideas I'd like to work into something I could submit to the English Journal. So today during our writing time in language arts class, I opened up my writer's notebook and started planning out my essay/article/thingummy but I ran out of pages in the little blank section I was in, so I started turning pages to find the next blank one and GUESS WHAT I FOUND!

Notes for an unfinished chapter of Broken!

Thus instead of getting anything remotely professional done, I spent two classes worth of writing time on, yes, FANFIC. You know what? I really don't feel that bad about it. I have felt bad from time to time about not updating that fic, though, so there! :P

Go read it. I just read it again and I can see it happening. And I'm just SO caught up in it all over again. I love that. I think it may be better than Anniversary, which these days feels a bit overwrought, though I still like the concept.

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Why I Write

So apparently it's National Day of Writing? I dunno for certain - Google isn't saying anything about it, that's for sure. But I saw "Why I Write" up on a couple of blogs today, and someone mentioned it, and I haven't posted here since before fall break, so why the hell not?

I write because I'm supposed to. Because I keep hoping that I will hate it less. Because maybe this time it won't be quite as annoying. I'd say frustrating, but that's giving it too much credit.

I continue to write because two teeny-weeny paragraphs look awfully pathetic next to a decently-sized photo. And because although I am quite content to repost someone else's image to supplement my text (with credit, at least, these days) I am not yet comfortable posting someone else's text as well.

I wonder why that is.

And I am noticing that there are a hell of a lot of "I" statements here.

To quote Willow: "Bored now."

I would SO MUCH rather be reading TV Tropes or watching people's home videos from Disney World. Or brushing my teeth and then tucking into bed. Or ... yeah, that's about it. I don't really feel like watching another episode of Numb3rs. Or even Sherlock. Wanted to watch that this afternoon but when I got home I was like "meh."

But no. Instead, because it's National Stupid Writing Day, I am doing a bit of Stupid Writing.

Also, I have my students writing about 300 words per day. Just write, okay? Just do it. It's not that complicated. I was at 240 after that last paragraph, so if I just keep typing whatever pops into my head, I should be at 300 in no time.

Dang. I am SO FRICKIN GLAD my students haven't ever found this. :P

I read recently that Finland kicked it into high gear by requiring every teacher to get a Master's degree (government paid for it). HEY OBAMA! HEY CONGRESS! YES LET'S GO FOR FINLAND-STYLE EDUCATION PLZ KTHX!

And I'm over 300 words now so I am SO DAMN DONE.

Image thanks to http://961joyfm.production.townsquaresites.com

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An Open Letter to Penny Kittle

Dear Penny,

I still hate writing.

But I am also still committed to being the best teacher I possibly can, so once again (even though we're almost a month into the school year, and that's WITH an extra-late start) I am resolving to post daily. It might not be here - probably over at Go Little Novelist - because I still want to make Epic Adventures about teaching.

I tell my students that once they've answered the question for the writing prompt, they can fill the rest of the page with whatever is on their mind. You know, as much as I have heard that getting students into the habit of writing will turn them into writers, I don't think it's really true. Because every time I sit down to write, I hate it. And I'm sure I've been writing for a good while longer than this crop has even been alive.

Blogging is its own beast. I mean, I bet I could write post after post about how much I hate writing. But then, who'd want to read that? And therefore, why post it? I guess it doesn't matter… it's not like I'm killing trees or anything. Except I *am* wearing the battery of my laptop down, and I'll have to charge it sooner. (I think. Who knows, maybe typing doesn't use up battery more than just sitting there does.)

About the only type of writing I don't mind is conversation. Like commenting back and forth on discussion boards … or sometimes in response to a blog post.

I'm starting to wonder if I've written enough. Is it okay to quit yet? We're actually on our way to school (don't worry, it's safe; the Hunk is driving) so I can't pull up an online word-counter. I mean, I've filled up the original screen in TextEdit and now I have a scrollbar on the side.

And I really don't have a lot more to say at the moment. Oooo, McDonald's. I don't know what it is about their food… it's not THAT good, but I like it a lot. At least the breakfast. A well-made Sausage-Egg-and-Cheese McGriddle is just delightful. I love the way the different tastes and textures all meld together. The sausage is just a little bit spicy, and countered by the sweetness of the syrup-nuggets in the little bun they use. The cheese adds a touch of saltiness, and the egg is bouncy and fluffy. It is just SO GOOD. And the Bacon-Egg-and-Cheese Biscuit is good in its own way. It's all savory, but it's different TYPES of savory, don'cha know.

But I have already had breakfast and of course now we're several miles on down the road. Hunk complains about idiot drivers. "Doofus-head!" he calls one. I am so glad i don't have to be the one driving. I like driving when I'm not feeling in a hurry to get somewhere. So, really, driving anywhere kind of sucks (because with gas as expensive as it is, who can afford to just drive around?) because even if I'm going to the store and I don't have to worry about them closing or anything, after I've gotten through checkout, I'm always looking forward to getting home.

By the way, I'm not (entirely) neglecting the Hunk. I am taking breaks for conversation. We're going to Disney World over fall break. WOOOO! Today is Disney Day for Spirit Week (homecoming - each day is themed, and we're encouraged to dress out) so we're bringing the bride-and-groom mouse-ear hats that we got on our honeymoon.

Disney World! Hurray! I can't wait. Even though I'm going to have to wait. (boo!) Also I've asked for professional leave to go to the 2011 NCTE convention as well, so definitely looking forward to that. It hasn't been approved yet, but I'm hopeful. I doubt I'll actually get any financial support, but then, I didn't last year, either. (Looks like I'll be packing sandwiches again!)

The Hunk asked about my writing. "Stream of consciousness?" "Yeah, kinda." I explained that because I want to be a better teacher, I need to become better at the elements of language. And the best way to get better at stuff is to DO it.

Hey, we're here at the school, so it's time to close up and head in. Bye!

Always,

Clicketykeys

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Writing for Others

Up until now, I’ve been writing primarily for myself. And it’s really neat that I’ve been able to engage in discussion with other professionals, because doing so has helped me to refine and clarify my own ideas. But I’m getting to the point where I feel pretty confident in my teaching and so I’d like to begin sharing with others. It’s just that up to now I hadn’t really thought about what might actually be worth something to someone ELSE. I think I tend to write more about my struggles than my successes, because I’ve been more concerned about improving in areas where I have difficulty. It requires significantly less reflection to just re-do something that worked well! So now that I want to start thinking about what I DO do well, I’m kind of floundering.

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Tired of it

Sometimes I feel like such a fraud. *sigh*

I really don't enjoy reading the stuff my students write. Or, well, at least not most of it. It's just... gosh, I'm not even sure how to explain all of this. There are so many things that bother me about their writing that I'm often not sure where to begin when responding, let alone where I should begin with this blog post.

First of all, the topics. I get SOOO tired of reading about teen pregnancy or drugs or tattoos/piercings/dress code/fashion or favorite XYZ or Bigfoot ...

Seriously, why are teen pregnancy and teen alcoholism and teen drug use even ON the List of Acceptable Topics for a persuasive essay? They glom onto the idea that "teen drug use is bad" and want to use that for a thesis. UGH. Really? Really? You honest-to-goodness think you have to persuade ANYONE of that? GAWD.

So I get tired of the same old topics but those are the ones we're stuck with because that's what we have books on in the library. Hate, hate, hatey-hatesmith. Pouring on the Haterade.

And then they're soooo wishy-washy. Like the student who wrote about tattoos CLEARLY believed that people should be able to do whatever they want to their own bodies without being judged (negatively) for their appearance, BUT she also felt she had to say "but some people think tattoos are bad and that's okay too!" FFS, kids, it is not immoral to have a spine! GAWD.

Also apparently? the entire universe is about what is most pleasant for THEM. Like we should totes allow indiscriminate cell phone use. Except cheating would be bad. And also? Dress code, shmess code. Students should be able to hoochify if they like because that is SELF EXPRESSION and we are CRUSHING THEIR INDIVIDUALITY.

I find that I am enjoying this more the snarkier I get about it...

And then there is the grammar. We're not just talking fragments and run-ons here -- oh no. No, these sentences are so warped that I can't even begin to describe what's wrong with them. Some recent gems, grabbed from a cursory scan of what is supposed to be a re-revision of a typed final:

• Is it because they are jealous, I think so?
• these are the things we think about at first had but when we are stranded in the middle of the ocean we tend to think of things we never think to think of at first hand.
• To these age groups, school, for lack of a better word to say it, SUCKS.
• They can ruin their potential to have a great life, though some teenage mothers go back to school and have a great life while having a child others do not and that's because having a baby is a lot of work, feedings every two hours, changing constantly, keeping you up all night...etc, having a baby isn't easy, it's a very stressful job.
• The big fight is Facebook vs. Myspace.Ok, that one's not as bad... but the image makes me giggle.
• At a young age 15-19 some teens are not even mature enough to have sex, because they're not laying down thinking about what could happen for example becoming pregnant, at that moment all the teenager has on his/her mind is the sex and only sex!
• Being abstinent is hard for many people, but being careful means more than just having sex, and not being cautious.
• At least you know you tried to stop the prevention of being pregnant.(WTF?!)
• Everyone has opinions, Walker least appetizing meal choice was the roast beef and cheese sub, he said it looked "Greasy".

I'm not even halfway through the stack. :P

Keep in mind, this is after a rough draft, conferencing with me for direction, revision, printing a new draft, peer revisions, proofreading, and printing a final draft. THEN. Another conference with me to look over the three articles for which they did that, choosing the best of those three, and RE-re-tooling it.

*headdesk*

This is yet another reason I will NOT be teaching Journalism next year.

Image thanks to https://picasaweb.google.com/Just4Me.Diamond/

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Writing Again

In an effort to keep writing while letting my brain recharge from that last post, I started working on - of all things - a Cinderella fanfic. Yeah, yeah, pointless kiddy stuff, I know. Shut it.

I got started reading fanfic again through recs on tv tropes which is an absolutely amazing website - it's like happycrack for English teachers, I swear. [Tangent: Hey Mardie! That's one of those things that I would NOT say if I blogged under my real name. *grin*]

So anyway, one of the fics I read - I had forgotten how much fanfic SUCKS - got me thinking about scenes we DON'T see in Disney's Cinderella. The big one is when Cinderella meets the Prince for the second time. That intrigued me. So I decided to do a fic that looks at some of (what I feel are) the important scenes we don't see.

What was kind of neat was that I was actually able to log in to fanfiction.net - apparently I had already created an account there and uploaded my very first fic ever ("Anniversary"). While its sparkle has faded somewhat, I'm still pretty pleased with it. I'm trying to avoid thinking about "Broken" - like I said, fanfic pretty much sucks - but I guess if nothing else, at least it keeps me writing, eh? So perhaps the end will justify the means. *grin*

Anyway, if you're feeling bored (or sadistic), go ahead and read. I'd love some feedback, especially on the new one.

PS: My name isn't "Celeste," by the way. That was a handle from waaay back before I got good at typing. I just thought it sounded like a pretty name.

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Here we go...

I am cheap.

The reason that I avoid purchasing materials for my classroom is the same reason I avoid credit cards - I know how very, very easy it would be to continue past the point of sense. To a lesser extent, it is a matter of setting a challenge for myself - given these limits, what can I accomplish with what I do have?

I scavenge pens and pencils from the floor before leaving each day. I rifle discarded notebooks for usable paper. The computers in my room are hand-me-downs from the "real" computer labs.

But I have personally bought a classroom set of Aldous Huxley's Brave New World - even though it is not on our school's list of approved texts - in the hope that one day I will be able to teach it.

***

Dystopian stories in general raise questions which are central to those who are just about to take the first steps into society as adults: what are my responsibilities to other members of society? to myself? what are their responsibilities to me?

This tension between individuality and community shows up in many of the day-to-day choices we face. Who pays on a date? How do you say "no" gracefully? How much should you spend on a birthday present for a relative? Whose responsibility is it to do the dishes, and what happens if/when that person shirks?

[AN: As I read this to the Hunk for review, he is pouting. Hmmm. I wonder why. *impish grin*]

I am fortunate enough to be able to choose among classic and current works, such as 1984, Hunger Games, Fahrenheit 451, Uglies, and Anthem. But I strongly believe that Brave New World is the most important of these works because its society is internally maintained rather than externally controlled.

If people desire security and comfort, and choose to achieve it through submission and conformity, and someone comes along and somehow forces democracy upon them - are they truly free if freedom was not their choice?

[AN: Are these paragraphs too short? 'Real' essays seem to have longer ones.]

I am not entirely sure why this story enthralls me so much, but I think it's because of the conflict - the dissonance - between the subject matter and the tone. It explores a society in which everyone is safe and happy and (apparently) free, but right from the beginning, with the "squat gray building" the description is clearly negative.

In most dystopian texts, it's easy to spot the villains: they are greedy, power-hungry, selfish, even sadistic. But Brave New World has at its heart a society that grants its citizens peace, prosperity, and happiness, ruled by a leader who genuinely cares for his people - who in fact sacrificed his own personal happiness to ensure their well-being.

I love how topsy-turvy and inside-out it is, and that it's not that way just for the heck of it, but because (as a dystopia) it creates a frame to examine the real world - the culture we live in.

[AN: OMG. it's like... it's like you're seeing things from the Joker's perspective. The protagonists, you see, are going to FIX things. Because this perfect, happy world is all wrong. Never mind that people like living this way - it is WRONG and must be FIXED. And if there's a bit of mayhem amid the fixin, well, them's the breaks.]

[AN: Ok, my brain is, I think, starting to leak out my ears. Need to wrap up my ideas here. Another part of what I like is how the topsy-turvy-ness makes it a great way to look at craft. What does the author do to make us see the World State as eeevil? How much of it is the resonance with our own culture and how much is negative description? and how does he DO that negative description and still somehow keep it under the radar? It's just so subtle and intricate and BRILLIANT!]

[WHEW. Gonna hafta revisit this. I have GOT to stop. :P Later all!]

[PS: Title? Do I need one? Ugh.]

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Staring at failure

Okay, so we are now definitely into January 2011 and I don't have my essay written.

*sigh*

I know, I know, there's still time, but the truth of the matter is, I don't know if I can do it, no matter HOW much time there is. I really have NO idea what I'm supposed to be doing. And I'm petrified.

I have all of my foundational stuff - I know which work I want to promote, I know what reasons I plan to give, I know how I want to frame the promotion... it's the everything-that-goes-with-it that I don't have. I mean, I figure I need more than 150 words, which is about what I've got if I just go with the bare bones that I have now.

And my style is SO very conversational. I'm sure I can take out the overuse of capitals and technically-incorrect ellipses, and use words that, you know, actually EXIST... maybe even finish a thought before going on to the next one.

But OMFG, I don't think I can do this. And it's pressing me through the shredder. I don't want to fail at this but I can't see success anywhere I look.

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Good Writing

How do you define "good writing"? How do your think your students define "good writing"? (This is my favorite workshop exercise with teachers. Teachers tend to value creativity, voice, and expressiveness; students assume that good writing is proper and correct. Where do students get that message if the teachers tend to believe something else? Hmm. Are we sending mixed messages about what we value?)

Gary Anderson

So lately I've been pondering the lovely discussion generated by what was essentially a big ol' whine of mine. It's a familiar wheeze: I hate writing. I don't want to write, but I feel like I have to so that I can be a good writing teacher. Writing sucks. How can I make it NOT such a festering pile of crapola?

To respond to Gary's poke, good writing IS proper and correct - for its intentions. If you are incapable of writing in Standard English, your writing is going to suck. Well, unless you're not writing in English... but my point still stands. Once you've mastered the basics, you can move on from there. But there is where you've gotta start.

I think I have to admit it: I'm not going to enjoy writing. Not now. Not ever. It's going to be another chore that never, ever goes away. Like bills. Or dishes. Or laundry.

Which is kind of depressing.

However, UNLIKE bills, dishes, and laundry, writing is probably not something that I can foist off onto other people - not if I'm going to continue to teach language arts. If I'M going to be the one teaching writing, then I'M going to be the one stuck doing the writing, it seems.

That's even more depressing.

But the consensus also seems to indicate that I don't have to write anything meaningful when I model writing. I just have to model the same kind of writing that I'm asking the students to do (because that's what I'm required to ask for).

And also I shouldn't expect students to write for a solid hour. That's apparently too much - at least without working up to it. Soooo... as far as conferences... I'll have to have something else to fill that time. I figure SSR will work pretty well.

I also quit writing on my daily blog in part because I used to type while they did their quickwrites... but then I started projecting the quickwrite prompt from my computer because I'm using longer prompts and I didn't want to copy this whole huge thing out on the board. And if I'm typing in blogger, they can't see the quickwrite prompt - at least, not well. Soooo maybe I'll go back to putting that on the board. We'll see how it goes.

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Kicked in the Gut (and stabbed in the back)

So, yeah. Every couple of weeks I get a promo email from DonorsChoose about fundraising opportunities and stuff.

Sometimes there's additional funding for STEM, or if you live in a certain state or county, or if your project is part of a college-readiness program, that kind of thing. Other times DonorsChoose enters into charity contests. You can go vote for your favorite chairty, and if DonorsChoose wins, they get like a hundred grand to put toward projects that need funding.

But the most recent email really, really surprised me - and not in a good way. It said that Donorschoose will get money for projects if people pledge to see Waiting for Superman.

Say it with me now: WTF?

I just deleted the email, but reading this post made me realize I was still pretty upset, and I didn't just want to ignore the issue. So I went to the DonorsChoose contact page and sent them this little gem:

Getting an email from DonorsChoose that promoted Waiting for Superman was like a kick in the gut. My stomach literally clenched when I saw that.

Hoping for the best, I went and watched what I guess was the trailer. Guess what - it showed exactly what I was afraid of! Raising test scores is the best way of measuring student progress. Due process for teachers is a waste of time and money. We should expect teachers to be martyrs who dedicate all their time to teaching, neglecting family, society, and personal health. Hygiene, of course, is still important, because you're supposed to look good on camera.

I was shocked and hurt that DonorsChoose would support something as anti-teacher as this. Also, when I went over to their webpage, I didn't see any mention of DonorsChoose, so that was part of the reason that I didn't sign the pledge. The other is that it would've been a lie.

I'm not going to give a dime to that flick.

Now, I didn't cancel my account (although I might have had I been a donor). But... seriously, people, what were you thinking?! I am SO tired of the same old dead-horse stats being used as trampolines to help people with agendas jump to conclusions they like.

Use just a little common sense. Please. Schools wouldn't have bad teachers if they (1) did a better job observing and supporting new hires and/or (2) went through the appropriate channels to remove teachers who weren't a good fit. The issue isn't bad teachers; it's inefficient leadership.

It is just - it's idiocy. The KIPP-charter/TFA model that is soooo loved by anti-union reformers is only sustainable as long as the economy stays in the toilet. I mean, you don't have to be a math major to figure out that working 40% more hours for 15% more pay is stupid.

Also, you're making the profession into an anti-family career. Now, for me (in theory), that would work, because I have no children of my own and no desire for children of my own. None. Guiding other people's children is great a way to give me similar interaction while at the same time keeping me reminded of WHY I've made the choices I have! However, I object to it on principle, because not everyone is like me.

AURGH!

Daily stuff behind the cut.

Anyway. I did NOT go for my walk this morning. I didn't even get up until almost ten. I woke up at eight, sore and tired, and thought, "Eh. It's already going to be too hot to walk." And I went back to sleep.

Given that I performed off-and-on for more than three hours last night, I'm going to say that's a fair trade-in for my walk this morning. My arms, shoulders, back, tummy, and legs agree: OUCH. It's tolerable now that I've taken some naproxen, but still: OUCH.

I was in bed before midnight and I still feel like I could go and sleep for another hour or two. I might do that, since obviously the surgery isn't this afternoon since I HAVEN'T HEARD A DAMN THING. Grrr.

I'm thinking about cutting my word-count requirement down to 250. 750 takes me forever and really cuts into the day. It makes it harder to take time later on for a "real" post, even if I actually have something to say. Plus, I hate it. I think 250 would be a good bit easier to grind out and that'd make it less torturous. And since one of my goals is to begin seeing writing as something positive, instead of something that is full of suck, I think that makes sense.

Last night's ... I don't know, I don't really want to call it a "show" because it didn't feel like that. No stage, no lighting setup... we were at a country club, people. (It makes sense in context - it was a "wines around the world" club dinner. This month was Greece, so: bellydancers! Also because last month it had just been dinner and wine and the turnout wasn't as good as they'd hoped, so again: bellydancers!)

It was a blast. They had a different type of wine with each course, and let's just say that by the fourth course, it was getting harder to hear the music. Hahaha... It was really pretty, too. We were in this sun-room area that looked out over the course - wide green lawns, with rolling forested hills in the distance. The windows faced east, so we got to see the sunset without a glare.

The best part was at the end, when we got these nice proper ladies to get up and dance too! It was absolutely adorable - they were giggly and uncertain but having sooo much fun. They reminded me SO much of girls in middle school. It was sweet.

Images thanks to http://unlimitedmartialarts.blogspot.com and http://www.despair.com/achievement.html

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Discipline Update & Freewrite: July 22

Starting to feel achy-sore now. I stretch pretty carefully about a minute and a half into my walk, maybe halfway through, after I finish, and then off and on for the next hour or so. Thus, so far, I have not had to worry about cramps. Just being tired and sore.

When I got up I noticed that there was a sticky bun out. So I ate that after I came back from my walk. Wouldn't want it to go to waste. Plus I did four laps this morning, up from three. Granted, I only ran the top loop on two of the laps (numbers two and four, in case you were wondering) but still.

However, I found that I was still hungry. And I could not decide what I wanted to eat. Actually, to be more accurate, I could not decide what I wanted to FIX to eat. I am a very low-maintenance cook. (Some might call it lazy.) So now I am crunching away at some celery while I boil two eggs.

Why is it that things that are good for me (like celery) are not nearly as enjoyable as things that are bad for me (like the molasses cookies I love so much)?

Why do little things take so long? It is going to take me a solid half hour to get to my word count. I have laundry to pop from the washer to the dryer. The lower shelf of the dishwasher has not been emptied, which means putting the dishes away. That always takes longer than I want it to. And it FEELS like it takes even longer than THAT!

Plus I have a few more modifications to make to my costume. The belt is done, as is the shirt. I just need to finish stitching the ties on to the overshirt. Fortunately I have until like 4:30 or so to get that done.

But as of now, I have been up for about three hours and it feels like I have accomplished nothing. Except the walk and the shower. Where did the rest of the time go?

Actually this celery is pretty darn good. It is crunchy without being hard, and the flavor has just the right balance. Sometimes celery is so mild that it actually is boring to eat, and other times the flavor is so strong that it tastes yucky and bitter.

I did my nails last night. Per the suggestion of the Hunk, I chose the baby pink polish that has a strong gold shimmer to it. My outfit is black with gold accents. I also thought about using a deep red for more of a contrast. But I like this one. I did my toes too.

Looks like it will wind up being MORE than half an hour to get to my word count. And I have been really good about not using contractions, even!

Zamzar is being a butt and will not give me my reformatted files. Grrr.

I wonder if I should take some naproxen sodium to tone down all this stiffness. I can not think of any caffeine products in the house, so the tired feeling is probably something I will have to get through on my own.

Last night I spent a good bit of time on tvtropes.org just surfing. I love that site. Although - stink - now that I mentioned that, I really really want to start reading that instead of plugging away at my damn word count.

Sounds like the Hunk is back! He went over to his grandfather's house to borrow the trailer so that we could get rid of some non-garbage trash. And he says he needs my help getting the biggest item into the trailer, so I'm going to sign off now even though I probably haven't met my word count. Let's check!

484 - hahaha! Not even close. Oh well.

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Discipline Update & Freewrite: July 21

Good news and bad news. Good news is, I woke up early enough to get in a decent walk. I even did some jogging again. Even better, I was able to set a pace that did not leave me gasping. I think I'll continue that for the rest of this week and add some distance on Sunday.

Bad news is that waking up that early means I got less than five hours of sleep. That is even worse than the past couple of nights. Nor have I been able to nap, either. Let me tell you, I am NOT a happy cooky about this.

More behind the cut!

I expect that I am sleeping less because I am stressed. (Have you noticed that I am using no contractions? None whatsoever. Yes, I am attempting to buff up my word count. Go me!) Waiting SUCKS. I hate waiting. I still have not had my re-excision. And after I get that done, I will probably have another week or two of waiting before I get to begin my adjuvant therapy.

To be honest, I am kind of pissed off. Is this not a priority for anyone else? Because my diagnosis was BACK IN JUNE. Then I had to wait for a path report before my next doctor visit. Then I had to wait for my MRI. Then I had to wait to talk to the general surgeon. Now I have to wait for the plastic surgeon to talk to the radiologist ALSO, before the surgery. Hello, this is why there are THINGS LIKE PHONES. Aurgh!

And this is just the waiting after the diagnosis. I first noticed this thing back in, like, February or March. I had to FIND a primary care physician (I rarely go to doctors - you know, USUALLY), and since I was a new patient, they had to find a longer time slot because they needed to do a new patient exam. Then I got the referral to the surgeon. THEN he gave me the referral to the plastic surgeon. And at THAT appointment we got the surgery (the first one) scheduled.

I realize that everyone is trying to be careful because it is incredibly important to choose the best treatment so that my long-term results are as positive as they can possibly be, since (hopefully) I have lots and lots of years ahead of me and we do NOT want to see any of this ever again! (Though there is a pretty good chance we will.)

Still. It is QUITE frustrating.

Strawberries were on sale at the grocery store. Yey! Tasty tasty.

My legs are stiff. I need to make sure that I do not sit still for too long. I want to avoid getting all cramped up. I really want to keep going with my walk/run thing. I am going to make it! It will probably only be the 5k in February... I think I can do that, even with the cancer. Then if I train through next year, I think I can do the half-marathon in 2012.

The pace requirement is actually only a sixteen-minute mile, so I think I will need to work on endurance more than time as I continue to train. Maybe starting next week I can add a lap rather than adding more run-time. For some reason I thought it was a good bit faster than that.

566. BLAH!

I really am not sure what else I want to write about. I left a voicemail for our yearbook rep yesterday. I was hoping we could get together to look over the supplement and make plans for next year. I kind of need to give her a heads-up about any treatment and maybe see if she can come by a little extra to work with the students so that I can chill a bit.

On the other hand, it is unlikely that I would know when I will feel ucky. If I even get that way, you know? Maybe my symptoms will be mild.

And in other news, I have been thinking about the placement of my research unit. I had planned on doing it fairly early, after the first writing-focused unit, so that (hopefully) what we did then would still be fresh in their minds. But what I am starting to think about is whether I can give additional practice throughout the year, using the same sort of rubric, and then put the research paper at the beginning of the fourth quarter. This would give me time to get them graded still, without too much end-of-the-year pressure.

Well, not more than usual, anyway.

771! :D

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Discipline Update & Freewrite: July 20

I walked today! Hooray! In fact, I even added a little bit more running. Yesterday I tried out running just the upper part of my loop (I walk to the park, do three of 'my' loops, then walk back) on the last one. It wasn't too bad, but it sure got me out of breath! Today I ran the upper part of the loop all three times!

The Hunk said that he thought I might benefit more from weight training than just the walks. So I think I'll add some free-weight exercises in the late morning or early afternoon. That, plus I've got dance class tonight, plus a private lesson - I think I'm good for today.

This is where my freewrite will go. I'm working on it in notepad.

I need to make sure I call the office of the doctor who'll be performing my surgery. I should probably go for that around 9:30. That way it's not, like, RIGHT when the office opens, but it's nice and early. Maybe 9:15.

And... I'm just sitting here. I should probably also call my insurance... or something... I need to find out just how much of what we're doing is automatically covered and what I'll need to get approved. I probably should have done that, like, a month ago.

Why does exercise have to be so much WORK? :P

And writing, too. That's not much better. I feel like just typing out multiple cycles of "The Song That Does Not End" just to fill up my word count requirement. Which I've imposed upon myself, of course.

Puppy is outside sniffing around. Just moseying through the grass. We have such a lovely Little Old Man!

We watched some Buffy on Netflix last night. The season where she goes to college. I think Joss Whedon had (has?) some leftover issues with the Greek system. Having never rushed a social (I joined a service sorority - we had rush, but it wasn't anything like the socials; pretty much if you were willing to do the service projects, you were in) my own perspective is somewhat limited, but... there is such a thing as REASON. I mean, these are people, not monsters.

Except in Sunnydale, of course. What was I thinking?

I know what I was thinking! Keep writing, darnit.

*sigh*

And I'm only at 254. UGH. This trying to be a better person thing SUCKS. Oo, stink, I also need to call Jaime and remind her about class tonight.

I'm like twenty minutes in and I have just over ten words per minute. Wheeee. Plus I also forgot to un-contract my contractions. That will not be happening again. :)

I have a little mini-backpack that looks like a penguin. I call her Persilla, because it is alliterative with penguin, and also because she is pretty big for a purse. Well, she was. The year I bought her, clutches were in. These days I see more hobos and totes - though that may be because it is summer. You know. Tote season.

Blah blah.

I need to turn on the computer that is connected to the printer so that I can print out TeachJ's Photojournalism syllabus. In re-organizing my desk space I took some books back to a shelf in the green room. While deciding where they would best go I came across my sample copy of the Jostens photo curriculum. So I'm going to look over both the syllabus and the textbook to sort of give me ideas for how I want to structure my new Journalism I course, since it is going to focus on photography.

I am still debating how best to incorporate a standard like GA RL 1 into my English II curriculum. The skill (analyzing use of literary technique) really is not all that challenging. The difficulty is in the number of literary techniques students are expected to be familiar with - and that there's no actual list of techniques. You just kind of have to guess which ones are expected at that grade level. That kind of pisses me off, to be honest.

I guess maybe I could go back through the standards for prevoius grades and look for similar concepts and use those to make a list. Maybe? But I am still not sure that such a list would be comprehensive. I hate "such as" lists. It just makes me feel so uncertain.

There are lots of movies that we need to put away. My feet are up on the arm of the sofa. I am leaning back in my chair.

Last night I compared last year's book to the book that was created the year before I got here - the year of no copy. I think that will be a good example to show to the assistant principal who wants there to be no copy.

674. SO CLOSE.

There is a grocery store near our house that carries these big, soft, sugar-coated molasses cookies. A pack of twelve costs a dollar. I have a particular weakness for those cookies. They are just SO TASTY! And the texture is just right. They are chewy without being mushy. Crumbling is minimal. And the sugar coating gives them just a teeny tiny bit of crunch. Mmmmmm. I can make a pack last a week. Still, they are probably working against me. SIGH.

757 baby! I am GONE! ^.^

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Discipline Update / MRI: July 19

So today when I got up I discovered that the Hunk had not come to bed! AT ALL! But he had folded the clothes AND he was getting breakfast ready for me. Sweet, no?

However, I had gotten up early so's I could go for my walk - well, first of all because I noticed he wasn't in bed and that made me pouty, but I also figured I could do my walk. So the eggs had to wait.

But however #2, I didn't have enough time to do the walk AND wash off AND do my freewrite. So no freewrite today. But I do have a post about my MRI behind the cut!

Don't I look sharp?

When I first got to the imaging center for my MRI, I had a wireless signal that I could use out in the main waiting room, but then they brought me back into another one back by the machine, and there wasn't a signal there so I got stuck with typing just in TextEdit with the idea that I'd copy-paste it into Blogger later. This is mostly a direct transcript, but I've tried to go back and change my verb tenses!

I hadn't had an MRI before. It was the same office I went to for my mammogram. It's really fancy. Comfy couches, TV, free wireless access ... they even had coffee! I didn't even have a chance to finish my cup before they called me back to fill out my paperwork. All I had to do was sign one form, though - maybe since I was only here about two months ago.

Then I went back to another waiting room in the MRI section. This one didn't have the coffee (though I still had my cup!) or wireless. Bummerrrr! I guess that makes sense, though, because now we're back here around the equipment.

A few minutes later another... nurse? technician? I'm not sure. Anyway, someone came to get me. I had to sign two more papers and then get changed. I wish I'd known I'd have to change out of pants with metal in them; I'd've worn my yoga pants. So now I'm in scrub-pants and a robe. They also stuck me with an IV that they capped off. That's new. And they gave me a Diet Coke. Hopefully when I finish it I'll have had enough caffeine that I'll be able to get to bedtime without a nap. I'd like to try to get back on a decent sleep schedule now so that I'm not out of sorts when school starts back up again.

So then I went back to the second waiting room with Mom. I had her take a picture of me in my scrubs. See above!

The MRI itself was boring, boring, boring. I had to lie down on my face and not move a twitch for what felt like for EVER. I had to tuck my hands under my thighs, and my thumbs went to sleep! My techs were sweet - the one who took the IV out was sooo trying to be gentle while I'm cracking jokes. I don't know, something about my skin or my hair - it ALWAYS hurts when I'm taking off a band-aid.

Then they MADE me wait while the radiologist read the films because they thought maybe they'd want to do an ultrasound as well.

Long story short, my lymph nodes don't show any signs of swelling, which is good. They did see a couple of spots over on the left side that are "probably nothing," which is also VERY good - it's just enough to get the insurance to cover a prophylactic mastectomy on the left without putting me in any danger! ^.^ Hopefully the post-mast biopsy will reveal that they were precancerous (or better yet, benign).

Image thanks to my mommy!

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Discipline Update & Freewrite: July 18

Once again: no walk. I'm in this horrid cycle of staying up and waking up late. I did have like two hours of dance yesterday, and then swimming in the lake for another couple of hours after we ate. So I woke up and it was already pretty warm... and then I just felt like I needed another good scrub (the lake was kind of grubby).

And in fairness, I've got a performance this afternoon. I had been thinking about going up to a craft store to get some costumey stuff, but honestly, (1) I don't need to be dropping money on whims, and (2) that would mean that much LESS time to get ready, and that much more stuff to GET ready. So I'm thinking not.

I have been less than pleased with my reading lately. I've got like a bojillion books out from the library, and none of them are really saying READ ME NOW! And the last few I've picked up just haven't kept my attention. I'm not sure why. Everyone in them just seems like idiots. Secrets of Truth and Beauty was pretty good, although I think a couple of plot threads were dropped along the way, and the parents are these empty shells... the other characters were much better and it was an interesting read.

There's some interesting discussion about 17 Things I'm Not Allowed To Do Anymore over on Goodreads. To sum up: think Junie B. Jones on a wild day. The protagonist "gets ideas" of all sorts of interesting things to do, then finds out that she gets in trouble for doing them. The last page shows her going over to her mom and saying "I'm sorry!" but the text says I had an idea to say the opposite of what I mean to trick everyone. I am allowed to say the opposite of what I mean forevermore.

So the opposing POVs seem to be: is this just a fun, silly book? or does it teach kids that lying is okay?

But my mind keeps going in other directions entirely. First of all, one of the marks of maturity is that you don't just blab out what you're thinking all the time. But you don't just jump from blabbing to diplomacy - saying things that, while true, are still kind and hopefully even acceptable. Learning to say something other than what you're actually thinking usually starts with learning to fib.

Second. Based on the entire rest of the book, for this child, saying the opposite of what she means "to trick people" shouldn't come out as "I'm sorry." That is way too boring! It would be MUCH more apropos if she pointed to an attractive and well-dressed young lady and said "She's ugly!"

Her fib is clearly utilitarian and doesn't fit with the rest of the book.

I have pictures from my MRI. I need to ask Mom to email me the one of the machine, but I have one of me wearing what I'll call my "undress blues." I may write that up this evening after the performance.

Bored. SO bored. And I'm not even at five hundred words yet. It's so bad that I was about to use numbers for five hundred, and then I thought, no, see, if I use digits it only counts as one word, but if I write it out it counts as TWO words!

Ugh.

And then tomorrow I meet with the surgeon again. I really hope they've already got me scheduled. This waiting around sucks.

I nuked some broccoli. It was going to be breakfast, but by the time I drag myself through this, it is probably going to be lunch.

I should be avoiding contractions.

I seriously have nothing else that is remotely in my mind. The ceiling fan is putting flickering shadows on the wall. Puppy is in his bed. The Hunk is in our bed. The computer fan is whirring softly. I hear something outside... I am not sure if it is crickets or frogs.

670. I am SO CLOSE! Maybe if I go back and change all my contractions, that will help. There are books on bookshelves. I have a bottle of glue on the desk. My keys are here. My phone is back in the bedroom. I brushed my hair this morning (after I scrubbed again) and lots of it came out. I do not know if I am going to be able to tell if chemo makes me lose my hair, because I shed so much anyway.

WHEW! did it!

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Discipline Update & Freewrite: July 17

Dance practice again today, so no walk. I have, however, been cleaning the house. Unfortunately, I mostly can't tell. It's distressing.

I have a lot of posts seeds sort of in the back of my head - teacher effectiveness, scripting, affirmative action, the relative values of gendered work, how tenure really works, my questions on KIPP for which I can find no answers... yeah.

But I don't really have anything that I want to write about at the moment.

I'm hungry. There was only a tiny bit of cereal left in the box I took out of the cupboard. So ... are you supposed to get a break during freewrites? I dunno. I know I took a bunch on Thursday when the morning was so nuts.

I'd much rather play Spider Solitaire. I put it on the easiest setting and just go click - click - click. It's very soothing.

I'm also a little frustrated. And kind of sulky. The Hunk got home late last night and putzed around. Now, when I putz, I try to take a break every so often and do something useful. I don't know, maybe he did useful things and I just can't tell - kind of like with the cleaning. But I got up this morning and he'd left the computer on, and I can't see that anything else has been put away...

I just get sooo frustrated. I guess part of it is that ... I feel like I wind up with more stuff to keep track of because of what I teach. And so my job requires more work-time so that I can keep up with it. But that also means it requires my work-space to be more orderly, so that I can keep up with it. Which means I have more work at home, too.

And it's not fair, and I'm beyond frustrated, I'm angry. He started clearing off the couch, and I thought, maybe I'm being unfair - things come and go, you know? But it was so he could lie down.

Not even halfway, but I'm stopping now.

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Discipline Update & Freewrite: July 16

Yesterday was so full - really, this whole week has been - that I'm counting last night's dance practice as my exercise for this morning. I'm going to try to have a healthy breakfast - boiled eggs, and ... I dunno, maybe toast or oatmeal.

Someone has a wedding anniversary today! Congratulations, you guys - you need to come visit. It's nice and warm down here ;D

Morning freewrite behind the cut!

I'm tired and discouraged. I'm sitting here at the computer that has MY stuff around it, and I just feel bad - because mostly I use the other computer! In fairness, that's the one that has my music stored on it, and since it's a little nicer, you can actually see farther in WoW. But honestly, that doesn't matter too much - I can listen to Pandora, and lately all I've been doing in WoW is the daily quest. It takes like 15 minutes and there's really no danger, so the nicer graphics really aren't anything more than a perk.

And there's just STUFF all around. A potholder. A nail file. The cards that don't fit in my wallet. Our buttons from Disney. Hand lotion. Elmer's glue. A cup, a water bottle. Scissors. Batteries. My ID from yearbook camp, still on its lanyard. And papers of all sizes.

It's a total energy suck. It makes me tired just looking at it. I feel like a bad housekeeper. And it's not to the point that it's overwhelming, but it's discouraging - I know that I could put things away just in this spot for half an hour and still have clutter lying around. And not that improvements wouldn't be noticeable... but it builds up slowly. You know? And more significantly, it builds up with things that I don't really have a place for, mostly. Like the cards from my wallet - the ones I don't use often, but just from time to time. Gift cards, mostly. Probably no more than five bucks on any one of 'em. But I don't want to just pitch 'em!

So it's like - do I put these "away" somewhere? Where would make sense? Because sure as you're born, if I put them "away" then I won't be able to find them when I do want them.

Ugh.

And also, now it's making it harder for me to write. Because I'm here thinking, "you know, as much as this FEELS like work, it really isn't. You don't need to do this. You're choosing to inflict this misery upon yourself. This isn't accomplishing anything. Your writing counts against your fun-time-quota, not your work-time-quota."

Hey brain! I don't NEED to clean off the damn desks, all right? Just STFU. Because even with two rooms basically un-usable because stuff isn't put away, we're still doing JUST FINE, thankyouverymuch. I'm writing because supposedly it will make me a better teacher, and possibly more self-aware as a person, and hopefully develops my skills in reasoning and word choice and clarity, all of which are useful in many different ways. How is improving myself any LESS VALUABLE than improving the house, in terms of time and effort? (Side note - wow, that became a post seed! yay!)

So this is a professional as well as a personal matter. I am doing this mostly because reputable members of my profession have said that it will make me better at what I do, and I trust them. I may not BELIEVE them, but I have decided to trust them anyway.

Also? These improvements to myself are far more permanent than cleaning up clutter will be, THAT'S for certain!

There. I feel a little better. Feelings aren't always easy to manage - they seem to enjoy being unpredictable! - but sometimes when I shout at them with logic they get back in line.

Another new development yesterday: I maybe have friends.

Okay, now see? I know you're doing that slight double-take - bit of a blink, reduced reading speed, and slightly raised brows. Maybe a frown that says "huh?" But hear me out.

See, I tend to be very particular about how I use words. In both speaking and writing, but especially in writing, I see precision as one of the highest ideals to strive for. I seek to convey exactly what I mean, neither more nor less. Any time that I think I've done that, I feel proud of my work, regardless of any other factors.

It took me a bit of thinking to figure out why I wouldn't categorize any of the people I know RL as friends. (Online is a completely separate issue as relationships are just SO different.) There's a difference between people with whom you are friendly and people who are friends.

Friends are people with whom you spend time outside of the context in which you know them.

That feels like a post seed, too, so I'm not going to explain it more here. Plus? I think I've met my word count for today anyway.

Woot! 836. TTFN, dearlings! ^.^

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Discipline Update & Freewrite: July 15

Well, I wasn't planning to go for a walk this morning, but I woke up a little after six and couldn't get back to sleep. So I got up and got dressed, grabbed my new little Sansa and headed out the door.

Today promises to be quite full, what with the MRI and lunch plans and then another doctor visit, and then I've got dance practice tonight. I've got to get ready, but perhaps if I'm quick I'll have time for a freewrite.

I don't remember what they were, but I'm pretty sure I had stressful dreams again last night. I think maybe it involved being at Disney World and finding out that somehow we had gotten into the park without a valid ticket. And something about all the stuff we have to do today. I think I actually dreamed that the alarm went off and I woke up, because I was lying there and I remember being confused because I thought I had been sitting up, and I didn't remember lying back down.

So I asked the Hunk if he'd shut the alarm off, and he said he hadn't, and I looked at the clock, and it was two hours before the time I'd planned to get up! And I was just wired. Of course, NOW it's two and a half hours later and I'm sleepy again.

It doesn't help that we're in the car on the way to Mom and Dad's. Put me in a car and start driving and even if I'm not already sleepy it just lulls me into a near-coma.

Somebody over on the ecning linked to the oldspiceman video marathon. TOO funny. Especially the Alyssa Milano segment.

Speaking of funny, I wish The Daily Show would hire Sarah Haskins.

I really can't think of much else to write about. I think it's because I'm sleepy, because with all the crazy stuff going on this week, I know that there's some of it that I haven't written about.

I'm learning to use zills now. It's not as hard as I thought it would be. I can't go really fast yet, but then, I've only had them for a couple of days. I practiced last night and I don't have too much trouble walking and playing, or doing circles or figure eights, but adding more layers (doing several complementary movements at once) makes it a LOT harder to stay on the beat.

Also the elastic on the one pair is super-stretched out, so they wouldn't stay on my fingers. So I'm going to try to get some new elastic for them.

Back in the car after switching out. Mom's coming with me to the MRI, and the Hunk is gonna stay with Dad to rearrange furniture. I checked the elastic, and although it's lose, it's still stretchy, so I just stitched it together a little closer to make the loop smaller.

I didn't make my word count, but it's now 9 PM - I didn't have computer access really for the rest of the day, so this is what's getting posted. :P

PS: Maybe I'll have some time for a "real" post tomorrow. I'd like to describe the MRI sometime soon.

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Discipline Update: July 14

Crazy dreams last night. Very stressful. Slow traffic and miscommunication and things I forgot to do... I'm glad I set the alarm for almost an hour later, but that means that I haven't had time to go for a walk OR do any freewriting before heading to school. Plus I'm leaving just a little earlier (like 10 minutes) so that I don't feel as rushed.

I'm so glad I didn't drink all my Diet Coke on Saturday. I've been trying to avoid soda, but sometimes I just need that caffeine boost... and boy it was a good thing it was still in the fridge!

Hope to update with a freewrite later. :)

Freewrite up!

Okay, so this has been a fantastic day. Tomorrow's going to be pretty busy - I have the MRI in the morning, but since my parents are still kind of getting settled, the Hunk and I are going to drive up to their house, and he's going to stay and help Dad get things moved around and kind of off the carpets because they're going to have them steam-cleaned (I think) on Friday, and Mom and I will drive BACK down for my MRI. That's going to take most of the morning. Then we'll head off to a cute little tea shop for lunch with some of the other English teachers. I also got a call from the surgeon; they've set up an appointment for me for tomorrow afternoon with an oncologist! So I'll be able to TALK to a doctor before Monday, and that's super-awesome. Plus since I asked for a slightly-later appointment so that I could go grab lunch, they said that he should have received the MRI films by the time I get there. YAY! Yay and YAAAY!

The students I worked with are going to be taking the English exam tomorrow morning. Keep your fingers crossed! I really hope they do well.

Mom and I went to a one-of-a-kind store that sells gently used merchandise of all kinds. I'm not going to say more than that, because I don't know of any other branches in the country and it kind of marks my location (I dunno, maybe I'm a dork and it's totally obvious where I live, but I do TRY to be discreet). So anyway, I wanted to look at the mp3 players, because I just loved my little Sansa Clip, but I kind of put it through the laundry. And if the soak and spin cycles didn't short it out, I probably fried the circuits in the drier. Anyway, it won't turn on. Very sad.

Well I went over to the audio counter in the electronics section and they had TONS of iPods. Now, I mean, nothing against them? But they're friggin expensive, and I thought the sound quality was just fine on the Sansa. Plus, since it didn't have a video screen, it keeps a charge REALLY well. I looked around, but I didn't see any others, and I kind of got bummed. Our local used bookstore also deals in secondhand electronics, and they won't take off-brand mp3 players, so I figured this place didn't either. But then Mom pointed out that this one guy had been standing in front of one spot and there was a little tupper bowl of other players! I just hadn't been able to see them from where I was standing.

So I was like, oo, yay! And I went over and asked to look at them and I poked through and they were REALLY cheap. Like the two-gig iPods were only about $35, which is fantastic for an iPod, but I knew I could replace my Sansa (also a two-gig) for about $30, so why pay the extra $5? you know?

And I saw two that looked very much like mine! The edges were a little bit rounder, but it had the same buttons and everything. They also had some video ones, but... ih. Not really interested. I like to listen to music while I do other stuff, and I kind of need to be able to see what I'm doing, not watching something else. Anyway.

So I looked on the back, and they were only like $6!! SIX FRIGGIN DOLLARS, YO! I figured there's no way they'd hold more than a gig, especially because there's a port for a microSD card to increase the capacity, and maybe they wouldn't work, but wouldn't the store at least check? You'd think. So I was like, heck yeah, I'll get one. I mean, my two gig one held tons of music, so half that wouldn't be too bad. It's still more than a CD, and it's way easier to put in your pocket. (Although that's not always a good thing - that's how the last one wound up in the wash!)

Now it didn't have the special USB cord to connect to the computer, or any headphones. But guess what? THOSE didn't go through the wash! lol! So I still have them from the last one. Anyway, I got home and plugged it into the computer and waited nervously for the fifteen seconds or so that it took the computer to initialize the device, and I opened it as a window and ....

IT HOLDS EIGHT GIGS PEOPLE.

I have almost my entire library on here and it's only about a third full. I don't even know what I'm going to DO with the rest of it.

What do people DO with that much mp3 player space?!! Why in the world would you need to add the SD card?!

Anyway, I'm going to have to go back. The Hunk heard me squealing and started pouting because he doesn't have one! hahahaha.

So, yeah, today's been pretty awesome.

Oh yeah! And also? Made my word count, EASY. ^.^

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