Thursday, December 28, 2006

Totally TMI

Well, I don't know how to do cuts on here (or even if it's possible) so you'll just have to deal.

I'm scared.

For as long as I can remember, I've had several weird birthmarks. There's one on my left hip that's probably the size of a half-dollar, one on the back of my neck that's not so big around but sticks way out, and three at the sides of my face - two up at the hairline, and one down by my ear. Then there's the one on my left side. A doctor cut it off when I was... hm... 12, maybe? It came back a little as it healed - it's faintly raised, and doesn't feel like it's just scar tissue, plus there's a dot of color.

A few weeks ago I started thinking that the one on the back of my neck was getting bigger. It just feels like when I touch it, it's ... well, BIGGER. And then I noticed that the one by my ear, there's color AROUND it a tiny bit, and I don't remember that being there before.

I don't want to go to the doctor, but I think I'm going to have to. And I don't even really know who I can go to. I want it to be female... cuz I'm probably going to have to go through a girly exam, too. Especially if I want to go back on the pill.

I'm scared. I wish I could just tell them to get rid of the ones on my face and the one on the back of my neck, and then just sew me back up. If there's any question, they'll probably want to do a biopsy first. Which I don't want them to. It's stupid. They're moles. Just go for a clear margin the first time, dammit. Biopsy the whole stinking thing.

Growth is bad. Growth means maybe radiation and or chemotherapy, which takes time and makes you feel yucky and costs money. Bleaugh. And we're trying to save up for the down payment on a house! BLEAUGH! I like doing fun stuff, but most of it costs money. I like watching movies and going out to eat and going on trips. I want to go to Disney World again! SOON! I liked it a lot. I loved the safari at Busch Gardens. I love reading books, and at least that's free. Sort of. I have to PAY to use the better library, cuz it's just across the state line. ;p Pooey.

Still. I mean, at this point, there's not really an option. I need to have this taken care of. If I don't, it's going to kill me. And then I can't do any of the fun stuff anyway!

Yanno, God, you COULD just have me wake up in the morning (or early afternoon at this rate) without them...


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