Saturday, November 07, 2009

Not Writing, Once Again

Shortly after the most recent time that I hosted the EduCarnival, something happened that sent me into an anti-writing sulk. [Brief tangent - if you know me in person and want details, call me. Don't particularly want to discuss things that made be not want to write, you know, IN WRITING. Blech.]

Truth be told, there are a bojillion things I would rather do than write. There are only a very few things that come in behind it - grading, dishes, and putting away the laundry being the big ones. [And mowing the lawn. But I don't do that, anyway, so it doesn't really come into the picture.] [I like including my meandering thoughts this way. I'm not sure why, but it's fun. Also it makes the post longer, as though I actually have something to say. Neener!]

However, in my kettle o' faults, it seems that stubbornness is more powerful than not-writing, so now that I've had my sulk and am (mostly) over it, here we go again. [I've started tagging my images in Picasa with the url I got them from so that now I can use an image I've used previously and not have to find it in my list of posts to give credit for it. In theory.]

I got called into the AP's office this week because during an informal observation (our school was a training ground for administrators practicing with a new form) my observers noted that I didn't have my standards posted. I was relieved that the problem was something easily correctable, but a wee bit frustrated that there was no other feedback for me. Rats! I guess the rest of it must've been ok... still... would've been nice to have some additional specifics.

Journalism is frustrating me. While having the online program is nice in theory, there are a few kinks.

(1) There is no way to upload a list of student names. They're connected to the photos. Sooo, either you can upload them sort-of-automatically with the portrait CDs, or you have to type every. single. one. in. by. hand. And it's a form, so copy-paste is NO help. The portrait CD thing would be fine if our portrait sessions had not been PUSHED BACK MORE THAN TWO MONTHS OH MY FRIKKIN GOD. Our retakes aren't until December 10.

December 10.

I really don't even want to think about how we're going to get this done, but I'm seriously stressed.

(2) Students with accounts can log in and work on images and/or pages from home. This would be great, if they actually did. There's a little button I can click to get a list of activity on the site. It's useful... and perpetually depressing.

I think I have finally figured out my regrets. I don't know if the first two count, because I don't think there's anything I could do about them.

First of all, I wish I wanted to write. I wish I enjoyed writing. I have tried everything I can think of, and it's still a chore. Almost every time I sit down to write, I have to make myself follow through. Heck, most of the time, I don't even want to begin, let alone follow through.

Second, I wish I wanted kids. Mostly because the Hunk would make suuuuch an awesome dad, but also because as a woman and a teacher to boot, there's this sort of general expectation that I want some of my own. And I don't. And I realize that my reasons are totally selfish and I'm sure I would love them and maybe that would change my selfishness but... it doesn't matter. I'm not going to decide to have children based on the hope that I'll be delighted once they're here. That just seems bass-ackwards to me.

Finally, and perhaps the only one that's an actual regret, I wish I'd started dancing earlier. I really enjoy it. And I missed out on years and years of not getting to enjoy it. Not that I had a miserable life or anything. Didn't know what I was missing.

But that's a little sad, right there.

Anyway. I realize that this post really hasn't had a coherent main idea - mostly I've just been rambling - but... don't care. Or, I do, but not enough to change anything.

At least I wrote something.


Mrs. Chili said...

Couple of things;

1. You have to post standards? As in state standards and frameworks for learning? I'm confused by this. We make a point of illustrating the DOE standards - the kids have to do this meta-cognitive thing where they link a standard to the work they do - but we don't have to have them up on a wall somewhere.

2. DO NOT - let me repeat that; DO NOT - feel badly for not wanting children. You have PLENTY of children; your life is stuffed FULL of children. Screw what anyone else thinks you should or should not do. Live YOUR life, not someone else's image of what it should be.

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